After being at home a few weeks with a newborn without much sleep, I’ve had a lot of time to think. I have lost count of the amount of times that people have told me to ask for help if I need it. Most of the people who have told me this also know that I don’t like asking for help. I know it’s frequently said that we have not because we ask not. Of course we can’t expect for people to be mind readers. It is very evident that people are aware that after giving birth a woman is in a very vulnerable state mobility wise, mentally and all. My thing is, why not normalize offering help? There’s so much information available about how you can truly help someone who has just given birth so to me rather than trying to normalize someone who has just given birth having to reach out to people for help, why not normalize offering help? It can be a listening ear. It can be a meal. It can be some ice water. It can be washing dishes or a load of clothes. It can be a number of things.
It’s already difficult enough trying to heal and making sure your newborn is okay. It’s such a scary and uncertain time that I don’t think the pressure should be added to have to ask people for help. Then you wonder if people will even be willing to help especially if they didn’t already offer. For me personally I always war with being a burden.
I do recognize that some people don’t offer help because they don’t want to be pushy, or they might think they’ll be in the way, etc. Maybe we should normalize having the conversations about how or if someone can help. This first few nights I didn’t even get two hours of sleep, and I felt like a zombie. Once I realized how little sleep I was getting, I made a conscious effort to try harder. I’m back to my regular barely getting any sleep schedule, but at least it’s more than the two hours I wasn’t getting.
Thankfully I’ve had a few meals prepared and brought to me, and I’ve had a few people to reach out to me and let me know they’re there even if I just need to talk. I had this one person who was texting me everyday asking how the baby and I were doing. I was agitated but soon realized that it was only because I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t okay. As soon as I realized that and started being honest, things improved because I found that there are people out there who genuinely care about me. I am so grateful for my support system. Thank you for being there for me even when I’m seemingly my most difficult. Thank you for everything, especially your prayers.
Until next time,